Month of "CRASH!!!"

this hasn't been the most fun time of my college year. Although I've been up and busy throughout the whole month since the beginning of my last quarter as freshman in UCLA, my life pattern is crashing left and right. My insomnia's coming back, and it's harder for me to keep up with my classes. They have become much demanding than I anticipated, with the addition to my upper division as an electrical engineering major class. On the bright note, I've been able to get closer to my friends and I really hope that I'll be able to pull back to my normal self. However, on the downside, now I'm REALLY missing my high school friends.....sometimes I would be in class and think of how they were doing now, and would they feel the same nostalgia that I do. I really hope things will improve as time goes, but I'm not too sure......A magnet that I have says "I used to be undecisive. Now I'm not sure." hmmm....very fitting of my situation I'd say. Sometimes, I have doubts if this is the way I want to live (not my academics, heavens, I couldn't have asked for more), but with friends, network, and all. Sometimes, I think to myself, would I have been happier and satisfied if I stayed back in Toronto and went to McMaster, or U of Waterloo.......all I can say for now is that all I CAN do is to look straight forward and keep digging the same hole until I feel disgusted of myself and move on to the next spot, or until I find satisfaction.

a whole week of nothingness

After finals..........SPRING BREAK!!!!! and I did nothing. I didn't go home, I didn't go on a retreat, I didn't get to hang out with my cousins..... but I did get to watch 'the office' episodes and get some REALLY good rests... and I started planning to have a better quarter this time, preparing myself early for everything possible and even planning ahead of what activities I should join to get more out of university.... hopefully, things will go according to plan, which never does..we'll see.

reopening my heart's doors

My first post in YEARS.............amazing how I can still think about something but I never think about updating.....the last past months have been just.......full with life.....college life.....amazement, sadness, excitement, speed....all bunched up together. And finally, I've been able to have this break from studying and projects and lifestyles and concentrate on my life......owee wow.....well, I'm hoping I can get some fresh air starting from tomorrow.....

Identity (1)

One might wonder: What are we? humans definitely, but only that? what are humans? Humans are only terms agreed by humans themselves. Or should we be called 'tetrapods?' such fleeting thought came to me today. I wondered, who the heck am I? Why am I alive? Am I alive? Is this reality? What is REALITY? Does it matter? Am I a fictional character? or am I nothing? Am I in the reality, but only seeing visions? Is this a dream? What am I?......quite a matrix-like questions...

Does these questions really matter though? Is finding the truth the utmost important thing? Is trying to figure out what is beyond death the right way? Am I thinking too much? Did I drink too much?....maybe (except that I don't get to drink...yet) I'm definitely trying my best to live. So there. I'm satisfied. One day, I will look back and think all these questions, adding more complexity to the increasingly stressful days. However, these ability to think is the reason why we are now who we are. At least, that's why I'm me. I exist not because I think, but because I am an individual being. I am unique. There can never be another me, not in the past and never will be there in the future. Whatever I do, even writing this blog, sets me different from thousands, millions, zillions of people. and I AM PROUD OF IT.

Rage

Rage is a universal characteristic.

No matter when or where, there has never been a time of peace.

Some bloke or idiot have always picked, and always will pick a fight with someone else. This is not because they are different from others and feel the 'rage'; it is because they can not control the rage inside themselves.

Humans are a mosaic of emotions. They express love, fear, hatred, contempt, sadness, etc. Are these just another of the 'courses' that people take in school? Or did somebody have to explain, demonstrate these feelings? Of course not. These are innate characteristics of a living form that can 'feel.' The discrepancy between a criminal and a priest is simple; It is the difference in their ability to control themselves. Even saints would feel a fleeting sense of hatred at some point, when things just wont unravel as they should (Hail Murphy!) If this is true, then why do people loathe the idea of expressing their hatred? After all, it's natural. If what something natural is wrong, then does that imply that our existence is wrong, a mistake of God? (no offense)

Ironically, this question of 'rage' had been developed into a movie in Britain. 28 Days Later (2002) and its sequel 28 Weeks Later (2007) depict 'rage' infected humans rampaging on streets. These infected people feel no other emotions than 'rage.' Their uncontrollable rage forces these half-zombies to wander around and kill or infect 'normal' people.

28 days later begins with a group of animal rights charging into a lab full of caged monkeys. They encounter a scientist who warns the danger of freeing the 'infected' monkeys, but the group ignores the caveat and frees a monkey. The monkey bites a woman, who turns into a raging zombie seconds later and attack other members. So begins the journey of the 'rage' virus.

Jim, the protagonist, wakes up in a deserted hospital. He finds himself amidst a horde of 'infected's but manages to escape with the help of two other survivors. Apparently, the whole island seems to have been contaminated with the virus. The group travels, meeting other survivors (A father and his dear daughter) and losing one of its members to the zombies (from now on, I shall use the word 'zombies' instead of 'infected' but they are technically very different).

The story climaxes as the surviving group struggles between the zombies and a small group of desperate army whose lust for women leads Jim and his friends to flee.

The story itself is veerry interesting, but I would like to focus more on the theme of 'rage.' The infected humans have no desire for food, necessaries, or rest. All that occupies their mind is rage, rage, rage. They wish to destroy, disintegrate, and create chaos. The sole reason of their existent is for destruction. They are brutally deprived of the beauties of life; they do not fear, they do not think, they do not eat, they do not love. They do know how to kill and hate. An obvious symptom of an 'infected' is their eyes. Their eyes become bloodshot, and eventually turn black. (I assume this is what we would call, 'blind rage') Their physical attributes are greatly improved (or it could be that they no longer care if they burn their muscles.) and seeing them darting around is a very different experience (zombies are typically famous for their massive numbers, gruesome features and sleepwalking like slumber.) Seeing zombies slumbering to you is one thing; watching a huge humanoid hurling itself to you at full speed is another. (The director used real athletes to act out the 'infected's. Very impressive.)

The story ends with Jim and his friends retreating into a desolate place and waiting for a foreign plane to notice their sign. (28 weeks later is when people land on Britain after 28 weeks later after the first virus domination. Just when people believe that the virus was extinct, it comes back!!)

Violence today is not an alien subject. We see violence in everyday life, from household violence to nationwide wars. We view ourselves as saints and think children learn violence as we grow, but I have a different perspective. A human is neither a saint nor a devil when he/she is born. It is a blank page, full of curiosity and an innate desire for survival. However, humans are not much different from any other animals. They try to survive, and protect themselves from adversaries. This nature has led humans to dominate the planet and exploit it as they see fit. Now, they kill their own species for territory, wealth, and even for the difference in their view of the world. So far as I know, no other living unit in this planet kills its species or other species for having a different perspective. This difference makes humans very different from other species. This important factor makes humans dangerous to others, to themselves, to the world. They are now capable of killing others with a push of a button, or a trigger. They can now bring chaos and total annihilation to the world within minutes. The future of humankind now seems shaky, even bleak as advanced technologies show greater possibilities of destruction.

Although the world now seems at the verge of breaking apart, I ask myself, 'if humans have had several times to destroy mankind once and for all, why haven't they done it already?' To this, the answer is clear: Because we do not only feel hatred and anger. We know how to love, to care, to hope. Regardless of all despair, tragedy, and sadness that pervade in this world, we still have the last content of Pandora's box: hope. We hope for a better future, for a symbiotic rapport with nature, for a 'greater good.' Even when justice is nowhere, we create justice and believe it exists. This belief of the possibility of creating a better world is the angel that resides in each of us, if rage and violence is the name of the devil. Many view this belief as part of religion, but I believe that there exists something different from God. I believe, from the bottomest part of my ruined heart, that there is an existence out there. This existence does not tell us, show us, or have anything to do with humans because it does not exist in reality. It exists in all of us, but cannot be perceived, touched, or clarified. I would call this 'hope.' or 'destiny'. or 'force' (may the force be with you...gasp....not that one..)

In this sense, I see hope in the future of humankind. (Applaud)

Introduction

hello ppl.

This fool's name is Evan, as in lucky seven. (my official name is: Yeong Seok Suh. Yes, it's hard to imagine ppl outside of my homeland pronouncing my name, and NO, Seok is not my middle name.)

I'm 18, healthy male, currently living in Canada, Ontario, Toronto, attending a secondary school.

Born in South Korea.

My favorite activities are reading scholary books, winning outstanding awards, combing my hair at least 2 hours a day, running around naked with a chainsaw in one hand, a magic wand in the other, cursing ppl out the way, and generally enjoying being a prick.......JUST kidding.

I'm just a plain average guy who enjoys playing sports with his friends, likes to read books (nothing near an encyclopedia, just more of something like mysteries, and interesting historical or scientific articles (such as Newton's crazy experiments he did on himself)), indulge myself in watching movies, struggles with his schoolwork, likes to try out different foods, and generally enjoy having fun.

I admit, I do have a darker side (keke...). I enjoy listening to rock music (ranging from Metallica to Marilyn Manson), but my favorite group is Linkin Park (those who are anti-Linkin, plz respect my choice and don't throw rocks at me). I also like skulls (not REAL skulls. Just skull shaped emblems, pictures and other objects related to skulls. They're soo..iintteerresting.) and I drink my own blood and likes to mutilate others (Ok, I hope you realize that at this point, I'm joking again). But I do believe in the grim reaper (My dream: to take over his job once I'm dead ; )..)

Anyway, welcome to my blog. I hope you will enjoy reading my articles or random babbling thoughts that I will post hereafter. Please feel free to criticize my writings or express your own thoughts to enlighten this fool. (But I will not tolerate with any kind of rude, crude, inexcusable, biased or any snide remarks, except for maybe one or two that are not too derogatory..)

My topics: (brain says)processing....buffering.....damn, can't think of even one smart one....what would be a nice way to show these bloggers that I'm intelligent?

Conclusion: I'll tell you guys later. ; )) but they certainly will cover a lot of things starting from my interests to serious talking.

P.S. The picture above is by Robert Banksy the graffiti artist, a terrorist in the realm of art.